Ask Dr. Rich

Michael Rich, MD, MPH answers parents' most frequently asked questions about keeping your kids safe online

What are the main risks for kids online?
A: Many digital products like iPods, mobile phones, computers, webcams, digital cameras and game consoles now connect to Web 2.0, which allows users to upload and download information. This new form of communication connects us to millions of people across the world, creating enormous potential that can either help or harm us. We can use these products without harm if our families understand and recognize the three Cs of risk that apply to all digital products:

• Inappropriate Contact. Teach kids to recognize and protect themselves against contact with cyber-bullies, hackers, phishers, and predators. People aren't always who they say they are.
• Inappropriate Content. Teach kids to keep away from inappropriate content that doesn't meet your family's expectations. This includes both content that is viewed and content that is posted by them.
• Inappropriate Conduct. Teach kids that the Internet is a public forum, and their conduct can be traced back to them. Everything they post online contributes to their digital reputation that will follow them into the future. Help them create an online reputation that is an asset rather than a liability.

Once families understand core risks, the 3 KEEPs for Parents will help provide a safe and healthy experience online: Keep Current. Keep Communicating. Keep Checking.

At what age should I begin discussing Internet safety issues with my child?
A: It is best to start a dialog with your child when he/she is just beginning to use the computer. This gives your child the expectation that you will be involved in his/her online life and makes it clear from the beginning that using the Internet is a responsibility as well as a privilege that needs to be done thoughtfully and safely.

What is the best way to start a dialog about Internet Safety with my child?
A: Keep Communicating. Remember that you don't need to be a computer expert to talk to your child about Internet safety. It needs to be a continuing dialog that is part of a regular conversation and not just a one-time event. Talking about the Internet does not need to be a divisive issue in the home. It can be a great way to develop new kinds of family connectedness. Have your child show you his favorite Internet sites, discover new sites together, and share in the excitement of the rich benefits of the Internet.

Should I set limits on the amount of time my child can use the computer/Internet? If so, what is appropriate?
A: Setting limits is essential to your child's health and safety. The Center on Media and Child Health recommends limiting recreational computer use to 1 hour on school nights and 2 hours on weekends. Preschoolers should be limited to between 20 and 40 minutes per day.

With kids ages 8 to 18 spending on average 44.5 hours per week in front of screens, parent are increasingly concerned that screen time is replacing real world experiences. Nearly 23% of youth report that they feel "addicted to video games." It's important for kids to strike a balance between time spent on-and-offline. No matter what the activity is, it's not healthy for computer use to take time away from important everyday activities such as homework, chores, playing, eating and sleeping.

A fun and easy way to discuss this issue with your child is to read the book, Faux Paw Goes to the Games: Balancing Real Life with Screen Time, available at www.iKeepSafe.org.


I set limits at home and talk with my child about Internet Safety, but how can I ensure that he follows our family guidelines when he's not at home?
A: It's important for kids to understand why there are Internet use guidelines, not just that there are guidelines. If your child understands that he could be hurt or your family could be compromised by unsafe Internet use and that you expect that he will be smart and safe, you will build a sense of mastery and responsibility into his developing Internet experience. Set age-appropriate guidelines and adjust them depending on how well your child takes responsibility: expand freedoms with responsibility and reduce them with mistakes. Once the guidelines have been decided, post them by the computer or video game console so they serve as a constant reminder. Communicate that these guidelines are not only for your home, but wherever your child uses the Internet, such as at a friend's house, the library, or at school.

If you are particularly concerned, contact the parents of your child's friend and discuss your family guidelines so they are aware of them while your child is in their home.

Should I be concerned about my daughter using the Internet when I am not around?
A:The best scenario is to keep the computer in a common area of the home where a parent can observe what the child is doing online. It's important that you feel comfortable that your child knows your family safety rules and abides by them even when a parent is not present. One of the easiest ways to do this is to Keep Checking Internet activity. It's always appropriate for kids and teens to have filtering and monitoring software on their computer. Show them how you review Internet activity, and communicate that you expect them to follow the family safety rules.

How can I see what my child is doing on his social networking site (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) without being too big of a snoop?
A: It's understandable that you're concerned about allowing your child some privacy, but the truth of the matter is, the Internet is a public place. Everything that anyone does online leaves a digital footprint that can be traced back to the user. Help kids understand that everything they do online is public and that you are providing a safe oversight of what anyone can see. Keep Checking: Install monitoring software such as McAfee or K9, and let your child know that you'll keep checking often.

McAfee available for download at security.comcast.net

K-9 Web Protection available for download at k-9webprotection.com

My child does a lot of Instant Messaging (IM) with her friends and she uses terms that I do not understand. What should I do to monitor her IMs?
A: Keep Checking: LOL (Laugh out loud!) Online resources, such as www.netlingo.com will help parents decipher text lingo, but consider asking your daughter if there are terms or acronyms you don't understand. Other free resources help parents track IMs, such as www.GoMcGruff.com, where you can check messages sent and received on a daily basis.

What are steps I can take to control the content made available to my child over mobile devices like a mobile phone?
A: With more and more children using web-enabled mobile phones, parents are increasingly concerned about the unmonitored content that their children view on mobile devices. The industry is beginning to respond to this concern. Many service providers offer parental controls where parents go online and set the filtering parameters and passwords for kids' phones.

My child already knows not to interact with strangers online. Are there other things I should explain?
A: Keep Communicating: Kids also need to understand the consequences of illegal downloading, cyber-bullying, and accessing inappropriate content. As technology changes, so do the risks and benefits; that's why it's important for parents to continue the dialog about Internet safety.

What is cyber-bullying and how can I protect my child from becoming a victim of it?
A: Cyber-bullying is when a child is tormented, harassed, or humiliated by another child using the Internet or other digital technologies such as cell phones. Often this happens on social networking sites.

Most bullying starts small, seemingly private between friends, and then mushrooms into a public forum until it is out of the instigator's control. Everyone is a potential target. Half of students admit to being bullied online, while an estimated 79 percent of teens say it is a problem.

Here are tips to discuss with your child:

• Always read messages about others as if they were about you. If they hurt, don't spread them and discourage the sender from doing so.
• Never respond to flame or online harassment.
• Block bullies from sending future messages.
• On social networking sites, select the setting that allows you to preview all comments and posts of another user before they are made public on your site.
• Delete Buddies or friends if they post any comments or images that are meant to embarrass, threaten or harass.
• Document and report all harassment.

For detailed instructions on how to prevent and report cyber-bullying, watch the Cyber-bullying Parent Tutorial at www.iKeepSafe.org.

See other step-by-step, video tutorials for parents about social networking, Web 2.0, cyber-bullying, and how to document and report abuse at www.iKeepSafe.org.